Guidelines for a Healthy Relationship

Do not expect and never blame anyone.

Accept yourself. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. If you really wish, you can always find something to do that makes you feel good about yourself. Love yourself, so hunt your true needs, true desires. Ask yourself why you didn't? Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. Your life is only under your control. Keep reminding yourself you are good enough to have a happy life and a healthy relationship. Make yourself happy, and this joy with one another.

Respect the difference between yourself and your partner. Don't expect he or she to agree with you on everything. If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. Always show respect for yourself and your partner, as this will create a sense of trust and safety.

Use communication.

Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view. You can either choose to be always right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share from those experiences.

Tell the unarguable truth.

Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection between your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. The unarguable truth is about your true feelings; your partner can argue about anything that happens outside of you, but he or she cannot rationally deny your feelings.

Forgive one another.

Forgiveness is a decision of letting go the past and focusing on the present and furture. It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and trying to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign. It's the only way to prevent you from more disappointment, anger or offense. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone; do give him or her time and space.

Review your expectations.

Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behavior and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Make sure you don't expect your partner to fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself.

Be Responsible.

Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about why you are jealous and how you might do it differently next time. If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about why this situation seems similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than dwell in anger or try to change your partner instead.

Appreciate yourself and your partner.

In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.

Admit your mistakes and say sorry.

Right after a misunderstanding or argument, tell your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Tell your partner to do the same thing and talk to them after 10-15 minutes. Tell your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.