What to do if you are Feeling Unappreciated

 

 

A lot of things come up in a relationship and despite how other people’s marriages and relationships may seem from the outside, I guarantee that any relationship worth having is hard work – at least sometimes. 

It’s completely normal, and even healthy to fight (or at least disagree) with your partner sometimes. Even if you were born in the same town and you grew up in similar homes with similar beliefs, you’re not the same person and you can’t expect that your relationship will always be smooth sailing. 

What Do Couples Fight About?

Couples fight for millions of different reasons. The longer that a couple is together, the more things they may find to fight about or their reasons for fighting may evolve over time. Couples in different countries, and even in different parts of the United States, tend to fight about different things based on what is important in their culture and in their immediate environment.

Why do couples most fight the United States? Probably not what you would expect. Sure, many couples fight about money, housework, and actual or perceived infidelity, but the actual reasons behind those and many other fights, regardless of the topic, are a bit deeper.

Are You Feeling Unappreciated?

In modern relationships, often both people work. Some couples share housework. Some don’t. Some men earn more money. Some women earn more money. Regardless of the particulars, there are often very real imbalances in a relationship, even for couples who try to share expenses and chores 50/50.

One person feels like they contribute more because they work more or harder or longer and earn more money. One person feels like their partner doesn’t appreciate all the housework and childcare and household management they do and that they are being taken for granted. It’s hard to avoid at least some feeling of imbalance, unfairness and lack of appreciation in a relationship.

Relationship Advice For Those Feeling Unappreciated

If you want your partner to appreciate you and everything you do for them, make sure you show them your appreciation for everything they do. Start by making a list of all the things your partner does for you, for your relationship, for your family and friends, etc. Really give it some thought and be objective. Work on the list for a few days or even a month if you can because you are certain to think of more things later. In fact, you’ll likely start to notice tons of specific contributions your partner makes once you start really paying attention.

Now, don’t get crazy and just start saying “thank you” to your partner every time they do something for you. Although “thank you” may be nice to hear, it loses its meaning and effectiveness after a while. Your gratitude and appreciation hold more weight when you SHOW it rather than simply saying it. 

Beyond a simple “thank you,” show your feelings with your body language. Smile warmly. Hug your partner or cuddle with them a bit. 

SHOW your appreciation and feelings with your actions and two very important things will hopefully start happening:

1. Your partner will be more likely to repeat the actions that made you happy / respond positively. 
2. Your partner will recognize your appreciation and be more aware of your contributions to the relationship and, in turn, be more appreciate of you.

In romantic relationships, friendships, and even your interactions with the clerk at the grocery store, one truth remains the same – you get what you give. So the next time you’re feeling unappreciated by your partner, make sure you are showing them your appreciation.