Can An Affair Actually Save Your Marriage?
When it comes to a happy marriage, monogamy may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Before you get upset, let me say that I’m not suggesting an “open relationship,” polygamy, or group sex. (Unless that’s what you’re in to, in which case… bravo and good luck!)
While there have been countless studies done and books written about how to save a marriage and how to have a happy marriage, most of them pretty much just regurgitate the same tips and advice that are, for most of us, pretty much common sense, such as:
- Communication is Key – talk openly with your partner about your needs and feelings and actively listen to their thoughts and feelings as well.
- Honesty is Crucial – always be honest with your spouse and ask that they’re honest with you.
- Give them Space – if you’re having difficulties, give your partner some time and space and allow yourself time and space to think things through.
- Spice it Up! Try spicing things up in the bedroom with any of the millions of “bedroom” tips, advice, and techniques that magazines tell you will save your marriage.
- Work on Yourself – instead of assuming that everything is your partner’s fault, take an honest look at yourself and anything that you may have done (or not done) that has caused problems in your relationship. Take the time to work on yourself first.
Yadda yadda yadda. We’ve heard it all before. Many of us have tried the standard relationship tips for a happy marriage but for some women, they're just not working.
Divorce rates in the US and in other western countries remain high with nearly 50% of marriages in the US ending in divorce. But what if there were another way to save a marriage?
Catherine Hakim, an expert on women’s issues and a well known sociologist from the United Kingdom believes that having an affair can make a relationship or marriage better. In her new book, “The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power,” Hakim compares extramarital sex to “eating out.”
Hakim writes that although we may eat the majority of meals at home with our spouses, that doesn’t mean we can’t eat out in restaurants as well. Trying new foods and restaurants with coworkers and friends is healthy, and a “revitalized sex life outside the home” has its benefits as well, according to Hakim.
Although she strongly advocates the power of an extramarital affair to strengthen a marriage, she does not suggest that you ever let your spouse find out about your extramarital activities. Hakim’s first rule for affairs is, “never [have an affair] in your own backyard.”
I personally agree that if you are going to cheat, never let your partner find out about it – not even when you’re drunk on wine one night and feeling guilty. Keep it in the vault!
What do you think? Have you ever had an affair? If your spouse had an affair, would you want to know about it?