“Where IS He?” And Other Reasons You’re Not Married

I’m a huge Sex and the City fan and I’m ok with it. The movies were… a bit of a letdown but the TV show was amazing. I learned a lot about myself and about love and relationships from those four fictional Manhattan girls. One of my favorite quotes comes from the character Charlotte York (who was, incidentally, the character I least identified with from the show but nonetheless…)

Charlotte: I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he? 

Miranda: Who? The White Knight? 

Miranda may have been joking but yes, Charlotte was waiting for The White Knight to rescue her. Aren’t we all?

Although it may not be PC or very feminist of us, many women have been waiting for their perfect guy to sweep them off their feet and rescue them… for most of our lives. We have watched movies and read books where precisely that happens over and over again, so why hasn’t it happened for us?

Well, first of all, movies and books are fiction, not real life. But more than that, there are likely some very good reasons you’re not married, including:

Shallowness – In any relationship, what matters most is character of the person and trust. But for some reason you’re looking for a man who is rich, tall, smart, fashionable, or one of many other specific characteristics. But what you should be looking for is a man of good character, especially when it comes to getting married – because those are the types of men who are open to marriage and who stay faithful.

Self Esteem – You don’t think you’re good enough, which only magnifies when you’re in a relationship. If you can’t love yourself first and the most, you will not be happy in a relationship with someone else, and they will not be happy in a relationship with you.

What to Do About It

So how can you overcome these reasons you’re not married? When it comes to loving yourself, it takes some practice and may even require psychiatric help. For shallowness, be sure you are giving each and every new man in your life a real shot. Get to know him, beyond how he looks and what kind of car he drives. Get to know the REAL him and who knows? He may just surprise you one day with a little blue box and engagement ring.