Discipline your children, is it good or bad?

Parenting means so much. It is a full time responsibility and duty to provide and guide your children the best in Life. Children are counterparts of their parents. They learn what they see and whatever they are taught by their parents. Children require help from parents at every level of their life, regardless of their age. But l think the biggest challenge for parents come from the emotional requirements of child rearing.

There are very few parents that need lessons in how to love their child, the most important emotional ingredient. But, a major dilemma occurs in knowing how best to discipline a child so that in the end we will have a happy, healthy adult with self-discipline. The questions that parents ask themselves often are, Am I too strict? Is my spouse too lenient? Will I spoil my child? Will my child learn to limit his or her self if I impose too many limits? All these questions are concerns for parents.

It is very important to make your child disciplined as it gives knowledge and skills. Firstly you must know what is discipline? Discipline is helping children develop self-control. Discipline is setting limits and correcting misbehavior. Discipline also is encouraging children, guiding them, helping them feel good about themselves, and teaching them how to think for themselves. Good guidance and discipline are not always easy for most parents. Sometimes parents don't know what is best to do.

Important rules you should remember about discipline.

Discipline should begin when an infant becomes mobile. It is a mistake to wait until the child is two to three years of age, at this age if no discipline has been administered the child will be very difficult and assert their independence. Discipline should be geared to age-appropriate learning. Catch your child being good and praise him or her, constantly correcting mistakes is not enough.

• Be patient and do not lose your control when your child misbehaves. Avoid yelling and screaming, since this can teach your child that it is all right to lose control if you don't get your way. If you feel like things are escalating too much, then do get involve and try to explain them the importance of discipline.
• As a parent of a preschooler you will need to be clear and consistent with rules and expectations and you must repeat them often. They need parents with unbelievable patience, fortitude and stamina.

• Avoid too much praise. You don't need to be continuously praising your child, especially for routine activities, because it will make your comments less effective.
• Don't focus on negatives all of the time, especially when offering positive reinforcement. Try to deal with them differently with more caring and loving manner. Try to give them responsibilities. Children enjoy power so let them do the things as they want you just need to explain them the right and wrong time to time.
• Avoid physical punishment. Spanking has never been shown to be more effective than other forms of punishment and will make your child more aggressive and angry. Talk instead of hitting your children. Physical punishment like spanking can make children feel that they are bad people. Your children will only earn to be afraid of you or to hit others. Punishment only tells children that they are bad. The American Academy of Pediatric unequivocally opposes corporal punishment in schools and asserts that in the family, punishment and restriction, when necessary must be immediate and not physically harmful to the child.

• Remember to give rewards and praise for good behavior. This will encourage them and in turn they will always try to do the good things for your praise. Praise for a good job is of the utmost importance for a toddler and older infant.
• Understand the difference between rewards and bribes. A reward is something your child receives after he has done something, while a bribe is given beforehand, to try and motivate your child to do what you want. Bribes should be avoided.
• Be a good role model. Always remember children are great observers. If you do something wrong they will follow you. So you need to be very careful in front of your child.
• Most importantly, provide your child with a safe environment in which he feels secure and loved. Childhood is a very critical stage and you need to take special care. They understands the language of love and they get violent once you start screaming. So be careful.
• Tell your children what to do, rather than what NOT to do.
• Above all else children learn by actions, do the right thing yourself. Nobody is as important to your child as you are, and they learn by watching you. Praise and hug liberally after the discipline discussion. Be sure your child knows you dislike a behavior not him or her.

How to guide them.

One thing is to set routines for bedtime, meals and chores. Routines help children feel safe, because they know what parents expect. Young children have a hard time going from one activity to another. Warning them a few minutes ahead helps them get ready. You can say, "You have five more minutes before bedtime." Be clear about their choices. "You can have milk or juice, but you can't have soda." Remind them of your rules. Just saying no is not enough. Children often need reminders.

How to set limits

1. Start with only a few rules. The more rules you have, the harder it will be for your children to remember them.

2. Be sure you know why you are saying no. As a parent you must keep your children healthy and safe. You must help your children learn to get along with other people. And you must stick to what you believe in. Explain your reasons for saying no. Be sure your child understands your reasons. "You cannot take your bike across town because there is too much traffic and you might get hurt."

3. Give kids a voice. Kids need a voice in setting limits. They need a chance to tell you what they think and feel. Even a child of five or six can talk with you and help you set fair limits. When kids help you make rules, they are more likely to obey them. It's important to understand their point of view, but just because you listen to them does not mean that you have to agree with them and change your rules. You can set many limits together, though some may have to be set by you alone.

4. Say what you mean. Be very clear about your limits. For example, state clearly the hour you want your child to be home. Say " 12 o'clock" instead of "Not too late."

How to react when children break the rules

Stay calm. Do what is fair. Sometimes, your children can help you decide what is fair to do when a rule is broken. Do something that makes sense and will help them learn not to make the same mistake again. For example, if they write on the wall, have them help clean it up. You can use these problem-solving steps to help children think through what happened and figure out how they can help themselves not make the same mistake again:

1. Have the child say what the problem is ("I want to go across town, and my parent says I cannot take my bike").
2. Have the child come up with as many solutions as possible. At this point, the number of ideas is more important than how good the ideas are ("I could walk. I could take the bus. I could bike halfway and walk the rest of the way").
3. Discuss solutions together and have the child choose which solution to try next time. Be sure it is a solution you can both accept ("I will take the bus").
4. Try out the solution.
5. Check the results. If it works, great. If not, start again.

Two important messages come across to children when you use this approach. First, no problem is so great that you cannot solve it. Second, you are responsible for your own behavior.

How to control children's anger because of discipline rules

It happens mostly that children lose their temper because of strict rules of discipline. Their anger is no reason to feel as though you're a bad person. As long as you are being fair, it's okay. Let them be angry but you keep your cool. Children must get their angry feelings out. Help them take time-out - draw, build something, play with clay, listen to music or go to a room alone and scream. Most important, when they are ready, help them talk about their feelings. Letting children get their feelings out is like taking out a splinter before it gets infected. Teach them how to talk about their feelings without hurting or attacking other people. "I feel angry when I cannot go across town, because I want to be with my friends."

Remember discipline is how adults teach children to grow to be happy, safe, well-adjusted members of society. Raising children is a tough job, but as children learn to control their own behavior, discipline gets easier and easier. Its well worth the initial effort as your children become responsible for their actions. And you can feel proud that your loving care guided them on their way!

Discipline is a way to correct and to teach children, if done the right way. It needs to make sense to them. It must help them feel good about themselves. It needs to give them a chance to correct their mistakes. Guidance is not punishment. Always remember all children are different and have different temperaments and developmental levels and a style of discipline that may work with other children may not work with yours. So it is very important to understand your child first before disciplining them.

(Sources: There is a good article about discipline, also used borntoexplore.org)