How to deal with Teenagers

Being a "Teenager" is a transitional stage of physical and mental human development that occurs between childhood and adulthood. This transition involves biological (i.e. pubertal), social, and psychological changes, though the biological or physiological ones are the easiest to measure objectively. It is between the ages of 13 to 19 years. Historically, puberty has been heavily associated with teenagers and the onset of adolescent development. In recent years, however, the start of puberty has seen an increase in preadolescence (stage before adolescence) and extension beyond the teenage years, making adolescence less simple to discern.

In today's high-pressure world, seeing troubled teens is an all too familiar occurrence. Teens receive pressure from parents, school, peers, advertising and all the other amount of information that is thrown at them daily. It's no wonder that the term "troubled teens" is so well known.

Lets understand some of the major problems during the stage of being a "Teenager".

Physical and Biological Change: One of the biggest worries for adolescents is their appearance. Changing body shape, hair in unlikely places, spots breaking out - no wonder teenagers spend so much time looking in the mirror. If your teen isn't happy with what he sees - and few are - it can dent his self-esteem. Try to avoid making jokes about your teen's appearance - even if it's meant in a light-hearted way. It's also a mistake to make light of something that worries a teenager, even though it may seem silly to you. He may be convinced that plastic surgery is the only solution for his nose, even though it looks absolutely fine to everyone else.

Try to explain that other people rarely notice the kind of detail we notice in ourselves. The better teenagers feel about themselves, the higher their self-esteem and ability to cope with. Also if you child is suffering from acne, you could organize a visit to the specialist, so that something can be prescribed to help with their clean-up and in turn help them feel better. There is a lot of hipe about Proactiv and the fact that "with just three simple steps a day, you can stop the suffering and start living with the clear, radiant complexion you've always wanted." So that could also be something that you could try.

Handling failure: Some teenagers can't handle failure in sport, exams or relationships - some children get over it relatively quickly, but for others it can seem like a major crisis. If your child reacts badly then you need to help him deal with his emotions before you help him deal with failure effectively.

Your need to reassure him that your love and support is not determined on exam grades. If your teen doesn't get the grades expected, help him to keep it in perspective - everyone has some setbacks in life. Reassure him that you're behind him 100 per cent, and help him to review all the options. Sometimes you do not get what you want the first time. One door closer, but another will open.

Dealing with emotions: Some teenagers - boys in particular - have a less controlling power on emotional expressions. Embarrassment, irritation and disappointment are difficult emotions to react to and mostly teenagers' uses anger as their weapon to win the emotional disaster.

If your teenagers is having difficulty identifying and articulating what he's feeling, talk to them or ask "are you a bit upset?" may make moth of you comfortable to identify the type and extent of his feelings, and to find appropriate responses. Some young people find vigorous activity, such as sport, helps them deal with their emotions. Others may just want space to chew over events, situations and disappointments. If you cannot control the situation, please get professional help.

Untidiness

Untidiness is one of the major causes of conflict between parents and teenagers. If you're driven mad by the coat on the hall floor or the wet towels dumped in the bath, you're not alone. Remind yourself:

• He's not doing it to annoy you, it's a reflection of the fact his thoughts are elsewhere most of the time
• A teen's bedroom is his own private space and you should respect that - even the most untidy teenager gets sick of squalor and will probably decide to tidy up at some point.

Try and come up with some sort of deal so that both of you are happy, but sometimes this is easier said then done!

Solutions:

• Listening to your teen. Listening and valuing adolescent ideas is what promotes the ability of parents to effectively communicate with them. Most parents do not listen well because they are too busy -- with work, community, church, and home responsibilities. Listening to a teen does not mean giving advice and attempting to correct the situation.
• Talking about morals and ethical behavior. Passing along a strong sense of values is one of the fundamental tasks of being a parent. Parents need to talk to their children about what is right and wrong and about appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
• Dealing with what is important. Don't make a fuss about issues that are reversible or don't directly threaten your child's or another person's safety. These issues include unwashed hair, a messy room, torn jeans, etc. Save your thunder for more important concerns. Safety is a non-negotiable issue. Safety rules need to be stated clearly and enforced consistently.

• Being consistent and holding your ground. There will be times when adolescents won't like what you say or will act as though they don't like you. Being your teen's friend should not be your primary role during this time of their lives. It's important to resist the urge to win their favor or try too hard to please them.
• Avoiding arguments. Arguing only fuels hostility and it doesn't get you heard. Don't feel obliged to judge everything your teen says. Retain the mutual right to disagree. Never try to reason with someone who is upset -- it is futile. Wait until tempers have cooled off before trying to sort out a disagreement. Don't try to talk teens out of their feelings. You can acknowledge someone's reaction without condoning it. This type of response often defuses anger.

Don't forget your teenager still needs you and, underneath it all, cares about your opinions. If you understand and accept that some conflict is inevitable, you'll be better prepared for it. Don't be upset if your teenager sometimes avoids you in front of their friends. This is very common and, in spite of it all, they still love you. It's all part of growing up.

(Sources: bbc.co.uk, positiveparenting.com)