Little white lies. We’ve all told them. They’ve been told to us. We tell ourselves it’s ok and that it’s sometimes kinder to tell a little white lie rather than the truth. For example, your best friend asks what you think about her new boyfriend she has been swooning over. You think he’s a selfish jerk but your BFF is head over heels.
What do you do? If you tell her the blunt, 100% honest truth, you risk damaging your own relationship with her. If you tell a total lie, (and say, for example, that he’s great and you really like him), then you risk your BFF getting hurt by the creep and blaming you for not warning her about him. Which brings us to…
The Grey Area of Little White Lies
Honesty is important , whether it’s with your BFF, your boyfriend, or your family. But sometimes we avoid telling the whole truth in order to save someone’s feelings or to avoid an argument.
Where is the line? In that grey area between truth and lying, we tell little white lies to get us through.
When Little White Lies Hurt
Are little white lies always ok? Or is it sometimes better to tell the truth, even if it hurts? Let’s take a look at two examples:
- Example 1 – You’re out with your girlfriends and a handsome stranger flirts with you. You make it clear that you already have a boyfriend. The handsome stranger steals a kiss, however you turn away and don’t kiss him back.
- Example 2 – You’re out with your girlfriends and you see your ex boyfriend at the bar. You get to talking and things start off innocently enough but when you get up to leave, he kisses you. You kiss him back, just for a minute, then leave.
After each of the above examples, you go home to your boyfriend or spouse and when he asks how your night was, you tell him it was fun and do not mention the kiss.
Lying by omission is still lying. In this case, it was only a kiss. So is this little white lie ok?
The difference between the two scenarios is who the lie is for. In the first example, you did nothing wrong and the lie of omission may be to spare your man’s feelings. Why make him upset over something that meant nothing? The first little white lie is for your boyfriend.
In the second example, it still may have only been a kiss, but there was likely some feeling behind it. You also participated in the kiss. Lying about it is self serving. Sure, lying may help save your man’s feelings but it also prevents him from knowing something important about you. The second little white lie is for yourself.
Modern people have gotten great at justifying our actions, even when they are self-serving (or perhaps especially when they are self-serving). But if you want and honest and open relationship with your partner, the next time you find yourself in the grey area of little white lies, ask yourself – Who are you lying for?
